Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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