No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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