What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize