How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
