True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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