Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize