Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just googled if crying burns calories
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
