I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's Friday. Sex?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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