so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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