And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
