my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
