Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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