And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
