Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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