Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
