Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
