if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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