We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
