I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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