Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
