took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
