My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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