I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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