he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize