Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
