My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
