I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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