My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
