See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
