my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
