I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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