Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
