puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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