I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
