Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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