Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize