That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
