I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize