i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
