***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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