That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
