dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
