so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
