finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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