quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize