we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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