Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
