I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
