mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
