look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
