There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
