He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
