Your face is a jimmy john
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
