i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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