girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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