My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
