You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
