i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
