i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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