So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
