i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
