apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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