i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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