My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
