You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
