Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
